First of all, I need you to know that I am a girl who struggles with self-confidence, who’s writing this post.
I can remember struggling with self-confidence since the age of ten.
I am now 28 years old, and I still have moments where I second-guess my thoughts and opinions (especially before hitting the publish button).
“What if no one reads it”?, “Am I qualified to talk about this”?, or “Should I even hit publish”?
Sigh
The self-doubt is real.
So if you’re someone who struggles with self-confidence, especially when you have to step into a room filled with people you’ve never seen in your life, you’re not alone.
We all have moments of self-doubt, and I’m sure that even the most confident people get nervous or anxious at some point in their lives.
It’s a pretty normal feeling.
Hence, the good news: you can rise above it.
In this post, I’m going to show you how to combat self-doubt by wearing confidence in any room that you step into.
Because no outfit, heels, makeup, or hairstyle will make you more irresistible.
Let’s dive in!
This post is all about wearing self-confidence as an accessory
What is self-confidence?
The only thing a girl needs to wear well is her confidence- Priyanka Chopra
So, what is self-confidence really?
Contrary to popular belief, self-confidence is not an innate ability that only some people are born with, it’s a skill set that you can teach yourself.
You must teach yourself confidence by working on it every day.
Whether it’s by keeping one small promise to yourself daily, repeating gentle affirmations in the mirror, or celebrating things that you accomplished for the day, trying new things even if you feel like you’re not ready, and walking into a room knowing that you belong.
Why do you need to wear confidence as your only accessory?
If you’re anything like me, you struggle to put together an outfit in two minutes because you have to make sure that it matches your makeup and cute necklace that you love wearing.
If you’re an extremist, you even have shoes that you only wear with certain dresses.
Trust me, I can relate.
But with confidence as your only accessory, it goes with everything. Your hair, makeup, and outfit, even if it’s just a simple tee or a bare face.
With confidence, you will naturally become unforgettable by the way you speak, walk, laugh, and take up space in any room that you enter.
It’s the secret to absolutely EVERYTHING!
Here’s How To Make Confidence Your Best Accessory
1. Have a confident Energy
You don’t have to be the loudest or even the girl in heels to be confident.
You need to have a confident energy.
Back in high school, I thought confidence meant being everyone’s favorite, the girl who always has something to say and wears the trendiest outfits, which isn’t the whole truth.
The truth is, real confidence is not about looking perfect all the time, or never getting nervous or awkward around people, it’s about deciding to believe in yourself in moments of doubt, awkwardness, or even when you’re not wearing the prettiest outfit.
It’s about your energy.
An energy that comes from truly knowing and accepting yourself.
An energy that speaks:
“I don’t need to prove anything”.
“I’m trying to impress”.
“ I am at peace with who I am”.
Have you ever wondered why the women who won were crowned Miss Universe or Miss World?
It’s not because she has the most beautiful face, dress, and body, or because her skin shines under her makeup, because so does the other 80-plus women.
What made her win was her “confident energy”.
It’s the way she walks out on the stage with a quiet presence that says, “I belong here.”
The way her eyes hold steady contact with everyone.
The way she speaks is calm and soft, and her tone is without shrinking.
It’s the way her energy is unforgettable, and she speaks, “I am Miss World”.
2. Be your own version of you.
Maybe you were constantly told that you’re not good enough.
You’re too shy, quiet, and sensitive, and you need to talk more, talk louder, or even be more outgoing.
I remember being labeled with some of these words as a teen and believing them for far too long.
Now, at the age of 28 years, I’ve learnt that confidence is not about being loud or outgoing.
It’s about being authentically you.
Yes, some people will think you’re not the smartest, prettiest, or most confident person they know, but that’s okay if they don’t think you are.
You don’t need to wait around for others to validate your self-worth; you can do that for yourself.
Neither do you need to dim your light to be the version of you that someone else approves of.
I remember reading the story of the father and his son going about their business on a donkey who tried to please everyone.
In the end, they learnt that the smartest thing they should have done was to be authentic to themselves, make their own choice rather than people please, because they will never be able to live up to others’ standards and expectations.
So don’t exhaust yourself trying to fit in to please everyone.
Say to yourself, “I might not be everyone’s favorite, but I like who I am becoming”.
Become okay with who you are because you were meant to be one of you, so learn to embrace your quirks, knowing you are enough.
3. Give yourself permission
How many times have you hesitated before making a decision?
Waited for the right time or for someone to tell you you’re good enough?
I’m sure more times than you can remember.
The truth is, you don’t need to wait around to feel ready or for someone else to approve.
You can permit yourself to be and do anything you want. Just like a bird learning to fly for the first time in her life.
Think about it.
A bird learning to fly does not look around and ask if it’s okay for her to spread her wings.
She does not seek permission from the sky or the earth.
She knows her purpose, so she jumps, flaps, and fails, fails, fails, until one day she soars.
Like a bird, it’s time you get comfortable in your skin, start trusting yourself.
The moment we are born, society tries to put us into a box, telling us what is right, appropriate, and acceptable for a girl.
Like a bird, you don’t need anyone’s permission to soar, live, dream, or be something more.
You just need to take the first step.
There is no right are wrong time for trying, and when you give permission, you start questioning yourself less because you know yourself.
4. Be kind to yourself
Imagine you have a friend who recently applied for a promotion at work.
She constantly babbles on about how this opportunity will give her the freedom to work from home and make a lot more money.
A few weeks later, she shows up with the saddest look on her face and tells you the job went to someone else.
What would you say to her?
I’m sure your words will sound something like “ They don’t deserve you, you are one of the most hardworking people I know, I’m proud of you for trying, and you have bigger things coming your way”.
When someone we love fails at something, our first instinct is to comfort them out of their pain.
We remind them of who they are, that they have good intentions, tried their best, and of course, that another opportunity will come around.
We give them confidence by speaking kindly to them and reassuring them that they are still worthy.
But when it comes to ourselves, we find it hard to tell ourselves we are going to be okay if something doesn’t go as we planned or hoped.
We find it hard to let ourselves off the hook.
But just as you can be kind to a friend, you can give yourself some compassion when you need it.
Because the truth is, self-confidence is rooted in kindness, and when you treat yourself gently, you give yourself permission to try, fail, learn, and grow, knowing that no matter what happens, you will be okay.
5. Have your own perspective
From the moment we were born, we were taught how to speak, behave, and sometimes even what to think.
We didn’t have a choice; we just went along with what others asked of us or expected from us.
Never really seeing the world from our perspective, and being authentically ourselves.
Now, it’s not to say that others’ perspectives aren’t valid or that they are bad.
They are just not your own.
Not your thoughts or opinions.
But when you have your perspective, it is you cultivating confidence that never wavers.
You use your voice confidently to say, “I hear you, I respect your perspective, but I still stand by what I believe.
Now, this doesn’t mean you are always right, but you are 100% rooted in who you are.
6. Keep the promises you make to yourself
If you are anything like me, you love making promises to yourself.
Tomorrow I’m waking up at 5 am.
I am going to meditate, journal, and do Pilates for 30 minutes, then I’ll make myself a sumptuous breakfast.
But would never follow through on half of everything I said I would do.
And of course, I would also have excuses as to why I didn’t get it done.
I was the epitome of “Making promises you can’t keep”.
After months of the same routine, I realized that this mindset was eating away at my confidence.
I decided to start with one thing on my long list and follow through for a week.
After keeping this promise for a week, I realized that I did not need to do everything at once. I did not need a chore of promises to feel good about myself, I just needed to start showing up for myself, one small promise at a time.
And so can you.
So instead of making big promises to work out for an hour every day.
Instead, say “I’ll stretch for five minutes in the mornings”.
Or
I will take 5 minutes on Wednesday to check in with myself and journal.
By doing this, my promises to myself became less of a chore but a nurturing self-love ritual.
I began to believe that my words mean something, and I’m worth showing up for.
7. Spend time nurturing yourself
Taking time out of your day is care is more than just self-care, it’s an act of self-love.
I’ve recently started wearing makeup and cute outfits at home, and I feel so good about myself.
When you take care of yourself by getting sleep, drinking 8 glasses of water, and practicing healthy routines, confidence becomes your number one accessory.
I know it can feel good to get compliments and a pat on the back from others, but when you take time to celebrate yourself and care for your own needs, this is you saying:
“I can depend on myself.”
“I am beautiful, courageous, and strong.”
“I am in love”.
Not only will you feel safe with yourself, but you will nurture yourself back to softness where real confidence lives.
Final Thoughts
Most people live their lives thinking self-confidence is rooted in being loud or outgoing or the way they look or the clothes or jewelry they wear.
But the truth is self self-confidence isn’t about being loud or looking perfect all the time.- It‘s an energy that comes from loving, trusting, and being authentically you.
Thanks for sticking around to the end of this post.
I truly hope these seven tips will help you build unshakable confidence one day at a time.
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